


"Enjoy Your New You!"

by retrogve



Category: TFTBL - Fandom, Tales from the Borderlands - Fandom
Genre: M/M, New-U Stations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-20
Updated: 2015-11-01
Packaged: 2018-04-26 00:17:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4982401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/retrogve/pseuds/retrogve
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Essentially Jack's experience with a defective New-U Station that causes him to be re-spawned in Rhys' body.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "Thanks for using this Hyperion New-U station! Please die again!"

_////_

_"Woopsy-"_

Was the last word out of Handsome Jack's mouth before the Eridium slag pumping station he had been toying around in had, uh _exploded_. He felt the _scorching_ heat reach the flesh around his mask and then- a flash of blue was accompanied by ringing in his ears.

"Hyperion suggests that you do not think about the fact that this is only a digital reconstruction of your original body, which died the first time you re-spawned. Do _NOT_ think about this!" a dismembered voice offered from the New-U Station behind him.

Jack sighed and took a small step forward causing him to unintentionally stagger. He glanced down only to be met with _much_ longer legs than he had possessed for the past forty or so years. They were most certainly _not_  his. He held his arms out in front of him and to his surprise they weren't _exactly_ his either.

Afterall, one was a  _freakin'_   Hyperion cybernetic.

_What the..._

Perplexed by his current predicament, he attempted to project his feelings out loud; "Godamn i-, shi-" That was _definitely_ not his voice either. 

The only solution to his problem, as was his solution to most problems, would be to _kill_. Himself. 

_That shouldn't be too hard down here, right?_

////

In fact, it was _ridiculously_ easy. God, it took him exactly fifty-three seconds to get killed. It was pretty nauseating as it involved a pack of barf skags and then- the flash of blue and the ringing of the ears. Jack opened what he hoped were _his_ eyes and looked at his hands in dismay. Wrong, wrong, wrong. 

He allowed a loud sigh to escape. He was in the northern part of Arid Nexus by the looks of it. The nearest pumping station couldn't be more than a mile from the New-U Station. He eyed the Catch-A-Ride and knew it was going to be impossible to commandeer a digi-structed vehicle from the infernal machine. 

'Jack' approached the panel and it prompted him to enter his access code for the network. _Piece of skag cra-_ he thought furiously but suddenly a blue interface appeared in his vision, illuminating the Catch-A-Ride in yellow. An options menu opened and offered an option to execute a file named: RHY5-WINZ.exe.

_Why the hell not?_

Code flashed in his field of vision and there was a very loud beep from the kiosk and he jumped slightly as a slate grey vehicle digi-structed in front of him.

_Ball- **er**._

'Jack' hopped into the light runner and sped off to the south, leaving a cloud of dust hanging in the air.

 ////

The metal of the pumping station caught his eye and as it did, his vision turned blue, leaving the structure illuminated in yellow. Details appeared regarding the structure's age, integrity, and purpose. 

Damn, he _could_  get used to the eye but the arm- was something else. The ridiculous amounts of sand he could already feel in the servos of the limb was anything but optimal. 

He decided that he still wanted his original body back. 

'Jack' reached the pumping station and lithely exited the vehicle. The pumping stations were usually manned by an engineer and an assisting programmer. Well, with the exception of the one he took charge of. That one was uh, unmanned at the moment.

He made his way up the ladder to the control room and was met by a pair of very familiar grey snakeskin boots, a set of gazelle-like legs, a yellow arm, and a set of bewildered mismatched eyes.

////

Those eyes widened further as 'Jack' pulled himself the rest of the way up. 

He looked at the thin man with an eye of disinterest but then his reflection from the shined metal across the room caught his eye. There he was. And he looked like a  _goddamn_  skinny nerd too. 'Jack's' matching mismatched pair of eyes widened to meet the stranger's. 

"Uhh what's, um our- I mean your name?" 'Jack' inquired, voice cracking slightly. 

Utterly confounded, there was silence from the gangly man but then he spoke.

"Rh-" he cleared his throat nervously,

"It's Rhys."

////

 


	2. To Make Matters Worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack does what he does best. Kill.

"Listen kid, I need-" 'Jack' started but was cut off by the sound of a loud beep from the computer terminal blinking madly next to Rhys.

Rhys's eyes stayed transfixed on the doppelganger in front of him. 

'Jack' sighed and ran his cybernetic hand through his hair, then placed both hands on his hips, and narrowed his eyes towards the man opposite him.

" _I_ need to get my body back. I mean, no offense _cupcake_ , but this- _arm_ just isn't working for me." The _words_ were his but the goddamn _voice_ \- it was so... weird.

Rhys stood still. He was still trying to process that _he_ had a freakin' _double_.

Meanwhile, 'Jack' had just spent the last _inkling_ of patience he had left. The kid looked like he was going to topple over any second and- wait _wait_. A thought crossed his mind. If killing _himself_ hadn't worked, then another _vaguely_ possible solution would be to... _yes_.

Murder the _original_.

That would reset the initial bio-data in the system and _bam_ \- Jack,  _potentially,_ gets his body back the next time he uses a New-U. 

Now the only question left was _how_ to kill Rhys. No weapons were in sight. _Think Jack, think goddamn it!_

'Jack' ruffled his hair again in frustration and then a brilliant idea hit him. 

_Asphyxiation_. A-la Hyperion cybernetic. Perfect.

////

Not wasting another moment, 'Jack' approached Rhys and held his yellow titanium arm out, offering a hand shake. 

Rhys took the matching hand in acceptance of the friendly gesture and shook his double's hand. Subsequently, 'Jack' pulled his hand away and examined the top of his robotic hand, wiggling the fingers to test their range.

He looked up into Rhys' eyes and smiled, " _Oh_ , and I don't think I told you my name."

He paused for a second and leaned forward.

"It's Jack. Handsome Jack." 

Rhys' eyes widened further for the split second before 'Jack' wrenched his cybernetic arm around Rhys' neck and placed him into a merciless choke hold. 

Rhys sputtered and grasped at 'Jack's' arm, but the piece of Hyperion hardware was locked in an infrangible vice-like grip. His victims eyes slowly closed and 'Jack' allowed the poor kid to slip into unconsciousness before wrenching his head to the side, resulting in a _sick_ cracking sound.

Now, to _kill_ himself...

////

It took 'Jack' a little longer to find some _lovely_ Pandoran wildlife to finish him off, but he did. There was the flash of blue and he was back at the New-U station at the north of Arid Nexus.

The familiar female voice coming from the New-U station offered: "The Hyperion Corporation: We make your life. Period."

With eyes still closed, 'Jack' clasped his hands together and to his dismay one of the hands was _definitely_  still metal. _Damn damn damn._

'Jack' opened his eyes and was met with- well his freakin' face.

The face of Handsome _Goddamn_ Jack.

 ////

 


	3. Opportunities

'Jack' blinked a few times in _utter_ disbelief.

The shock wore off pretty quickly and it turned into tempestuous anger. 'Jack' approached his impostor and he watched as _his_  face fell from pure curiosity to terror in a matter of a few seconds. 

Despite the efforts of the fake to keep out of range, 'Jack' got within arms reach and placed his cybernetic hand firmly onto his shoulder.

"Is that you in there, _Rhysie_?" he asked maliciously in as low of a voice as he could. 

'Rhys' opened his mouth to respond but no sound came out. 

"Well, it looks like we're in a _little_ bit of a _pickle_ here. What are we gonna do about it?" 

'Rhys' gathered up what little courage he could muster but all that came out was a feeble, "I dunno."

Seeing his body controlled by someone else was one thing, but hearing _his_ handsome voice say stupid things was an _entirely_ different issue.

"I _DUNNO_?! _REALLY_ Rhys? That's _NOT_ gonna fly with me kid-" but 'Jack' was interrupted by a groan of pain.

'Rhys' was leaning, shoulders skewed down and to the left, under the incredible force being applied by 'Jack's' cybernetic grip.

'Jack's' eyes widened at the sight and sound of himself in pain and quickly removed his hand from 'Rhys'' shoulder.

It was almost like being _in_ pain himself.

'Rhys' rubbed his left shoulder, eyes cast downward.

"L-look, it's just- I've never even h-heard of anything like this happening." 'Rhys' offered.

'Jack' sighed and turned away from hims- 'Rhys'. 

In doing so, he reached a conclusive thought.

Threatening the kid was going to be _rather_ difficult for himself as long as he had his body.

////

'Rhys' watched his body walk over to the Catch-A-Ride. His interest grew as he watched 'Jack' stare intensely at the kiosk. A good thirty or so seconds passed in silence, an occasional gust of wind ruffled 'Rhys's' hair, but then suddenly 'Jack' shouted angrily  to the sky,

"HOW DO I EVEN _USE_ THIS STUPID EYE?!"

The sudden yelling made 'Rhys' jump a little, causing his heart to race fiercely. He rushed over to the man and grabbed one of his long arms that were waving madly and explained, 

"Hey- hey. You just have to focus on the-" but 'Rhys' stopped talking when he noticed the _very_ disapproving glare he was under that shifted from his face, down to the metal arm he was clutching, and back up again.

_Oh, this is awkward._

'Rhys' hastily let go and looked sheepishly towards the Catch-A-Ride and continued to explain, avoiding _any_ further eye contact, "You, um, focus the eye on the screen and then you run my progr-" He was interrupted by the sight and sound of a vehicle digi-structing. 

'Jack' got into the light runner and motioned for 'Rhys' to follow.

'Rhys' stood where he was, _glued_ to the sight of himself in the vehicle.

"LET'S GO!" 'Jack' bellowed at him, and 'Rhys' sprinted over to the waiting vehicle without another thought.

////

"I hope you don't mind me asking, but where _are_ we going?"

They had been driving for a few hours now and the landscape had changed from the beige of the desert to a lush green.

The silence continued for a bit after 'Rhys'' question, but then 'Jack' turned his head to 'Rhys'.

"We're going to Opportunity. Where you'll have the _opportunity_ of being my goddamn body double. These are dangerous times Rhysie, you never know who's gonna be coming after ya next..."

////

**Author's Note:**

> I'm aware that the New-U stations aren't canon but this has been floating around in my head for awhile now...


End file.
